hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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