youre lurking in front of me
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
