I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
