its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
