So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am mentally ready for anal.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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