I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
