I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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