I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
