Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
