Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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