and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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