So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
