this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my poor anus
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
