I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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