Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
