my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
