Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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