I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
