Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
