so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
