whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
