I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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