fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
