Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
