wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
