I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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