im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
