Pappa wants mamma naked
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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