I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
