Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
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