I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
