Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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