Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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