based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
