I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
