I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
