dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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