I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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