Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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