Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
