tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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