Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
