I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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