My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
