I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
