I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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