just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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