He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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