peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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