So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
