i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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